Poem

(I wrote this a few days ago... its okay... it's mostly just thoughts... hope you like it)

Someone Else’s Body

Looking in the mirror
Is like seeing a strange painting
In some wacky art museum
Filled with works from Picasso and Dali
It slightly resembles my face
With smaller eyes
And pin straight hair
And a robot attacking her mouth
All the sun’s love sucked from the once-there-freckles

Looking down at my body
So close to his
So unfamiliarly familiar
Makes me wonder
If that really even my waist his hands are on
If that’s my hair he’s playing with
And I wonder if ill ever have the guts to tell him
To just kiss me
Like he means it
Like I know he does
Instead of feeling like the base tonight is another game of P.E.

Looking at my feet
Buried in the swallowing snow
That is vicious in more ways than one
Kidnapping trees in its blinding beauty
And stealing the sun from my paler than white skin
It’s hard to tell those are even my feet inside those too big shoes
Why am I standing in the snow?
And not next to Grace
Saying goodbye as if we will be the same people tomorrow

Looking at my hands
Moving across the keyboard
With musical ease that comes to only the hand-eye coordinated
I wonder if they’re even mine
It seems impossible that those cold-worn-red hands belong to me
Because from what I remember those long fingers never played a note
Never in her life

Looking in the mirror-wall at dance
I wonder why my body is moving like this
Strange new nameless movements and combinations
And why when I start a piece
All my feeling drains
At the drop of a hat
I wonder why my body betrays me
When what I need right now is simply
Dance-acceptance

Looking at my fingers typing
Every key I press is spelling out my thoughts
Worn out keyboard
Worn out hands
Too many times covering never-fallen tears
Not enough times covering a laughing scream
My fingers can change that though
They are pressing the keys and can spell whatever future they want
So now when I’m

Looking in the mirror I’ll see
Vibrant life streaming from eyes that are
Determined to have smile-wrinkles by the time I’m twenty
Shining light coming from the soon-to-be happy teeth and
Gold-blonde hair tumbled-dried and
Worn with streaks of the ever-smiling sun
Mouth open in laughter spilling out like marbles on concrete:
Bright enough for all to hear and familiar enough to love

Looking down at my body I’ll see
His hand on my knee
And face smiling brighter than any summer sun the winter steals
Feeling heat from heart to toes
Hands honestly entwined
And mind on vacation because
What better prescription for homesick-ness could there be
Than an amazing boy and the back row in the movies

Looking at my feet I’ll see
Feet on soil not shoes
Connected to the ground
Knowing that it’s not just your rubber soul that connects you to the earth
And that keeps you from slipping down hills
My too big shoes will be just right because
I will have room to GROW

Looking at my hands
Worn with love like a spring-happy gardener
Move across the keyboard in random spurts of melodic harmony
Then crash and burn when I get frustrated and stomp on the keys
I’ll laugh because it’s amazing that these hands can play a single note
And why not enjoy instead of scrutinize

Looking in the mirror-wall at dance
Ill see a body that can move freely within the choreography of another
When that body moves it seems as if it’s a whole other dance every time
Because every time she will feel
Interpret
Move
Inspire
Reach out
Dance another way

Looking at my life I see

GREAT FRIENDS
Making a salt circle and sitting there all night with you swearing that we would be best friends forever, now that we got the lying through our teeth out of the way

Saving you from that woman who deserves no place after death and never being so happy to see a friend being taken away by a policeman

Laying on your bed upside down talking of near-love experiences, thinking that this friendship with you… wasn’t such a bad idea and crying in the hallway when “nothing” was wrong because you knew that this “nothing” meant “nothing” at all to me

Dancing with you and wondering why in the world am I dancing like this with some guy I don’t even know, and finding out later that I probably wouldn’t and couldn’t have stopped even if I had tried…

Talking with you in your car, never even knowing before that your life was as troubled as it is… and deciding right on that moment that I would never treat you any different because of it

Singing the new kid blues in P.E. and being more honest with you than I would if you didn’t have that smile that says; “I’m here for you tell me all your problems”

Honestly wondering for hours on how someone like you could be so themselves and so honest with everyone and still hold some sense of uncharted mystery like the other half of the treasure map that you’ll never find…

HARD TIMES

Running from the thing I love most. Because who in the world would ever want to leave their mother?

You. You stole my heart. My head. My world. You stole everything.
You. You made my best-memories. My best laughs. My best kisses. My best everything.
You. You are an old book. Torn pages from constant love. In a used book store with a note to the new owner on the back of the cover. Take care of this one, it’s beautiful.

GOOD TIMES

Jazz fest. Starlit truck beds. Never-ending beach trips and two birthdays. That were packed with more fun than all our parents high school years combined.

Screaming our heads off in the freezing cold. Losing my voice. Running to the middle of the field like a doofus. Dancing. Quarters. Homecoming face paint. Pop Lock and Drop It. Casey, Taniesha, Shelby, Anastasia. Tony… kind of. Birthday party. Screaming cats in the middle of the night. Holes in the universe. Moss covered rocks that were destroyed by the time we left.

1 week. 2 shows. 7 days of the week. 1 Leonard the Leopard. 1 Wilson the goat. 1Robinson Crusoe. 15 thousand cheesy songs. 20 color-changing chameleons. 1 pizza for the days of the week (Robinson and Wilson too). 1 SUPER COOL DIRECTOR. 1 really mean one who had some definite issues. 1 night performance. 3 times one of the days of the week missed her cue. 1 pirate costume. 1 jungle/safari costume. 1 UGLY nineties TV-show turtleneck.1 back stage visit. 1 million pictures of us acting really dumb. 1 glowing uterus.